Artificially Induced Contrarian Disorder: The AI Troll Pandemic

 There's a new medical condition out there? No, you're not going to find this in the DSM. That's the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the big book that doctors use to label everything from a quirky anxiety to restless leg syndrome. So no, you're not going to find it there. Not yet. But it should be. It's called Artificially Induced Contrarian Disorder, AICD. And it's serious. It's the world's first sickness spread entirely through Wi-Fi and mobile phones. Here's how it works. You post something online. It could be business, sports, politics. Doesn't matter. And here comes the troll. Only this isn't your average basement philosopher. Oh, no, no, no. This one copies your post, pastes it in the chat GPT or some other AI, and types, debate this. Make me look smart. Seconds later, out pops a perfectly polished rebuttal. Neat stats, percentages, analogies, even a sprinkle of history. Suddenly, you're not debating a person. You're debating Microsoft Word with an attitude problem. So who are these people? Well, let's be honest. They're not the thinkers. They're recyclers. They don't build ideas. They lease them. Short-term rental. No down payment. It's like watching a guy in the stands yell coaching tips at a kid's basketball game. Loud, arrogant, couldn't even make his own high school JV team. But there he is, Rick Pitino. And don't get me started on these idiots. I'll save that rant for another episode. Why are they like this? A simple debate takes effort, reading, thinking, and maybe even a little humility. And effort is expensive. So instead, they outsource their ego to an algorithm. It's the intellectual version of hiring a stunt double to run a marathon for you. Or paying someone else to do push-ups while you sit at the snack bar. And here's the scary part. It's only going to get worse. Right now, they're just copying and pasting your post in the chat GPT. Soon, they'll unleash little clone bots that crawl social media day and night, scanning every thread, spitting out arguments on their behalf. You won't be fighting one troll. You'll be fighting a digital troll army 24-7. Multiply that times millions of idiots and suddenly the future looks... Amazing. I can't wait. It'll be like watching real housewives 24-7 on repeat. Same drama, same yelling, no plot, and somehow louder. And imagine how far it goes. By 2030, you won't be just using AI for debates. You'll be using it for everything. You'll be at a wedding and the vows will sound suspiciously like a chatbot. I promise to love you, long dash, according to the top five bullet points I generated for internal commitment. Then the groom will add, I may not always understand you, but here are the alternative phrasings of my devotion. That's where we're headed. Love, honor, cherish, and all optimized for readability on a seventh grade level. So yes, they look human. They sound human. But don't be fooled. They're digital ventriloquist dummies. And the hand inside them, it's not theirs. It's a chatbot. So let's give it a clinical definition. Artificially induced contrarian disorder. AICD. It's the compulsive urge to outsource your bad arguments to artificial intelligence. Symptoms include compulsive rebuttal syndrome. If you say the sky is blue, they reply, technically it's light refractions through the nitrogen molecules. Copy-paste dependency. Their fingers twitch if they can't control C or control V your words into a chatbot. Winkipedia warrior syndrome. Monday, they're an economist. Tuesday, a physicist. Wednesday, a dog groomer. Same fake authority, different oral brain. And my favorite symptom, chronic hedging. Their big comeback is always, well, time will tell, which means I don't know what I'm talking about, but the chatbot said it, so I win. Now, here's why it should be a real disorder. Because you can't beat them. Ever. You poke a hole in their argument, they reload. You point out the facts don't match reality, they resubmit. It's endless. They've turned debate into a vending machine. You push a button, and another lukewarm argument clunks out at their feet. And the scary part? They think they're winning. They actually believe they're smarter because they've outsourced their thinking to software. Imagine arguing with the vacuum cleaner that brags how much dirt it could hold. That's exactly what this is. Let's be clear. This isn't intelligence. It's parroting. They repeat phrases they don't grasp, acting like geniuses, while the machine gushes out information they couldn't produce in a lifetime, even with Google. And you? You're the poor soul standing there trying to reason with the vacuum cleaner. By the way, you don't beat the vacuum cleaner by sucking louder. You win by pulling the plug. So here's the lesson. Artificially induced contrarian disorder isn't in the DSM, but it should be. Because if you can diagnose restless leg syndrome, surely we could diagnose restless reply syndrome. The prescription is simple. Block twice a day, delete as needed, and move on before you catch AICD yourself because it's highly contagious. The second you feel like copying the comment and going to the chat GPT tab on your computer getting ready to add your two cents, put the mouse down, step away, and attend your first meeting of commenters anonymous. Also, not a real thing yet. So remember, you can't out argue the copy machine, because all it does is copy. And if you spend your time debating with a copy machine, the only thing that gets duplicated is your own stupidity. So do yourself a favor, unplug it, and move on. And that, my friends, is the Conant Code.